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His Friends Haven't Warmed Up To Me

How do I get them to come around?

Tuesday Jul 25, 2006. By econfidant

Dating Feed

I have a great relationship with my boyfriend, but there's one problem: his guy friends haven't warmed up to me. How do I get them to come around?

You've run up against one of the complexities of dating: Whenever you're in a relationship with someone, you're in a relationship with his/her friends as well. You'd probably like to get to know the people closest to your boyfriend for a variety of reasons—if he spends a lot of time with his friends, you'd like to be included in that time and feel accepted by them. And in general, you probably want to feel like you are a part of your boyfriend's world. These desires are completely natural and understandable.

There are also many possible reasons why your boyfriend's friends are standoffish. It may even be that they want to give you and your boyfriend space. You don't mention how long you've been with your boyfriend, but it's possible they don't think your relationship is serious enough and don't want to invest time in a relationship. They might feel a little protective of their friend as well. Your boyfriend's willingness to help you to integrate into his group of friends is the most important factor in getting his friends to warm up to you. Tell him that you'd like to get to know his friends a little better and he can facilitate. If your relationship is serious, he can tell his friends that you are going to be around!

If you extend yourself a little, his friends might pick up on your genuine interest in them and actually open up a bit. A great way to learn more about these guys is to ask your boyfriend some questions. If you have some background, then you can ask a relevant question that might solicit conversation. I'm not talking about their deepest, darkest secrets, but maybe you have a mutual interest or hobby in common. Maybe it's even something as simple as a television show you both like to watch.

Make sure to give your boyfriend time and space to do guy things, too. His friends will definitely think you're cool if you give him some time off!

Best wishes,
econfidant

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