Centerstage - Chicago's Original City Guide

Anna,

~Anonymous

Six months is not a long time. It takes me that long to clean my shower, which is a much less emotionally charged activity (most of the time). Widows and widowers are just like anyone else – they want loving relationships, to connect with others and someone to help them carry heavy furniture from IKEA. But there's no real way to tell if someone is ready to date, whether it be after the death of a spouse or a mild case of food poisoning, until their MySpace profile says "single."

That said, there's no harm in getting to know someone recently widowed over coffee or drinks. If, in the course of said beverage, you continue to get verbal and non-verbal clues that she would like to pursue something more "friendly," then you can gauge from there how to proceed. Do NOT bring up her dead husband, unless she specifically mentions him first. Death of a loved one falls into the category of unacceptable first-date topics, along with bowel movements and back-hair removal regimens. Keep your conversation casual and let her take the lead. If she's uncomfortable, then she'll tell you. But at the same time, don't treat her like a leper. As my seven-year-old niece often says, "Sometimes in order to get over someone, you need to get UNDER someone."

Widows and widowers are just as likely to be on online-dating websites; there are even some specifically for those in bereavement, like WidowsOrWidowers.com. It could be that she's really in need of the kind of healing championed by Marvin Gaye. Then again, she may just need the kind championed by Haagen Dazs. You can't know until you try.